Tuesday, January 09, 2007

The Skinhead Hamlet


Shakespeare's play translated into modern English.
by Richard Curtis

ACT I
SCENE I
The battlements of Elsinore Castle.
(Enter HAMLET, followed by GHOST.)

GHOST: Oi! Mush!
HAMLET: Yer?
GHOST: I was fucked!
(Exit GHOST.)
HAMLET: O Fuck.
(Exit HAMLET.)

SCENE II
The Throneroom.
(Enter KING CLAUDIUS, GERTRUDE, HAMLET and COURT.)

CLAUDIUS: Oi! You, Hamlet, give over!
HAMLET: Fuck off, won't you?
(Exit CLAUDIUS, GERTRUDE, COURT.)
HAMLET: (Alone) They could have fucking waited.
(Enter HORATIO.)
HORATIO: Oi! Watcha cock!
HAMLET: Weeeeey!
(Exeunt.)

SCENE III
Ophelia's Bedroom.
(Enter OPHELIA and LAERTES.)

LAERTES: I'm fucking off now. Watch Hamlet doesn't slip
you one while I'm gone.
OPHELIA: I'll be fucked if he does.
(Exeunt.)

SCENE IV
The Battlements.
(Enter HORATIO, HAMLET and GHOST.)

GHOST: Oi! Mush, get on with it!
HAMLET: Who did it then?
GHOST: That wanker Claudius. He poured fucking poison in
my fucking ear!
HAMLET: Fuck me!
(Exeunt.)



The rest of the play can be found at the link below. Someone recommended it but I can't recall who or where I ran across it.


3 comments:

Churlita said...

Boy, nothing like cutting the crap and getting down to the heart of it, fer fuck's sake.

Dexter said...

It reminded me of a short animated film that encapsulated the plots of several operas in 10 minutes. and also THe COmplete works of SHakepeare stage production that runs through all of shakespeares plays quickly. funny shite high in body counts. I think IFC ran both a while ago.

El Duderino said...

I still prefer the Dr. Suess version.
I ask to be or not to be.
That is the question I ask of me.
This sullied life, it makes me shudder.
My uncle's boffing dear sweet mother.
Would I, could I take me life?
Could I, should I end this strife?
Should I jump out of a plane?
Or throw myself before a train?
Should I from a cliff just leap?
Could I put myself to sleep?